Skiing Holidays In France - Uncles Jacques Must Read Guide To The Pistes Of France

Hello again my Francophile friends, this is slightly mad Uncle Jacques, your favourite eccentric travel advisor, here again with yet more must have information about leaving the UK forever.

You may have any number of reasons for moving to France. Perhaps you love Jan Tierson's Amelie soundtrack or possibly you are a fan of brandy or maybe you just love Tin Tin.

But there might be another question riding high on your lips and it might be time to ask yourself.

Surf or Ski? Before you think too hard about that question, I feel I need to explain a little more about the differences between our great countries. These differences may well have been a deciding factor in your decision to move and one of the greatest is the sheer size of France. I'm not trying to blow my own trombone when I say that France is bigger than the UK. In fact it's over twice as big. Which of course raises the question, where do I move to?

Well panic not, my future Frenchies, I will be digging deep into that very quandary over the next few weeks, but today I thought it might be fun to separate some of you by simply asking the age old question of sea or snow?

Now remember France is big, we've discussed this and therefore you should know that it has more than one coast and more than one mountain range. We'll deal with each in time. Now I know what you are going to say… The UK has a massive coastline because it is an island and this is indeed true. It is also true that some of this coastline is actually pretty spectacular however it is spoiled, as usual, by the climate. The UK is unfortunately cursed by the British weather.

Seriously guys I don't know which deity you p*ssed off, but perhaps it's time to offer some penance, or at least sacrifice some goats. You can laugh, but it seldom rains in Spain and there's scarcely a festival there where the climax doesn't involve the demise of some hapless quadruped. Co-incidence? I think not.

Besides the weather, your beautiful beache-fringed waters, that for most of the year, only the best trained divers can survive, and your mountains are too short and spikey for any kind of real ski-ing.

Yes I know you can ski in Scotland, and while we French love our auld allies, it's still true to say that you can only ski if you pick the right weekend somewhere between December and May and only if you don't mind being blown off the mountain in a force 9 gale.

In France though there are three main coast lines and each offer stunning beaches.

The Mediterranean coast is the toast of the world, while the Atlantic and Channel coasts will feel just like home, i.e. Baltic for most of the year. But at least our northern coastlines are cheap in comparison with our Riviera and if you've ever tried spending a weekend in the big anti ATM machine, affectionately known as Brighton, you'll soon understand what I mean. I will soon be highlighting the best of our beaches, but for now I'd like to focus on the highlands.

It's a lesser known fact that France boasts seven very different ski regions. So allow me to present Uncles Jacques guide to the pistes of France.

Northern Alps: Here you can ski on Mount Blanc, Western Europe's tallest mountain and take advantage of famous resorts like Chablais.

Southern Alps: Remote and wild and actually more accessible from Toulouse Italy the Southern Alps are a fine antidote to the Benidormesque atmosphere of their Northern cousins.

Pyrenees: Straddling the Spine between France and Spain there are a good number of resorts between France, Spain and the micro-nation Andorra. Andorra is also a tax free haven and therefore very popular with the shrewd French who descend on mass at the weekend to ski and fill their cars to bursting with petrol, booze and the all-important Gitanes.

Vosges: Famous as a cross country skiing centre, but still offers downhill skiers over 1000 km of pistes that wind around forested hills. You'll find it north of Lyon and East of Dijon.

Jura: A 300 km arc which snakes down from the Austrian border to the north of Lyon boasting 270kms of runs through idyllic snowy peaks.

Further off the beaten track you will find the Massif Central: 1300km of pistes on the side of a Volcano just 380km from Paris.

And finally for the adventurous, France has one last surprise in the shape of Corsica - The birth place of Napoleon: There's a few drag lifts, here and there and plans for a full scale Southern Alpine style resort, but for now it's still best suited for extreme skiers. It's also worth mentioning that any new developments will have to pass the men with balaclavas and explosives stage, as Corsica has a very active anti tourist cell who like blowing up buildings that spoil the landscape.

So my friends if your heart is in the mountains I hope I have helped you pick your place on the pistes.