Tall 13 year old ready to give up the game

Question
My daughter is 6 ft. tall and 13 yrs. old.  She played on her school's 7th grade team, some club ball and now is playing on her school's 8th grade team.  She is thinking of quitting volleyball because the coach doesn't let her play much in practice time or game time.  SHe has improved from last year but she didn't get much playing time then either.  She practices with me or by herself in the mornings and evenings at home on the weekends and sometimes even after weekly practice because she wants to play so bad. I'm hoping all her hard work will pay off and she will eventually be able to play.  Are there any tips on how she can play more aggressively when her confidence is not there? I'm hoping she will enjoy playing again like she did during club ball.

Answer
Good morning!

Thank you visiting www.allexperts.com

When my stepdaughter was a 7th grader, she played on my team.  She was athletic, but the older girls were just too good.  She didn't play much.  (Yeah, her mom didn't like that a lot! haha)  But she loved the game, and she didn't stop.

You didn't tell me of your daughter's athleticism.  I'm assuming she's not freakishly athletic, or she'd be playing.  But, if your daughter is average, a 6' vball player is something a high school coach cherishes.  And the coach will usually spend a lot of time trying to nurture the big girls' games b/c of how much of an impact they can have on the court.  So, again, if your daughter is just average in athleticism, then the only way her future coaches won't have her on their teams is if the high school already has enough 6' girls.  So that's good news!

Changing gears:  If your daughter loves the game now, that doesn't mean she'll love the game in a year or two or three.  And that's normal.  I was in cub scouts for 3 months after begging for a year.  I was in my school student government for 1 year, then never went to another meeting.  So, if your daughter chooses the chess team, the forensics team, or cheerleading over vball, she's 100% normal.  

However, please please discourage her from giving up ANY sport just b/c she doesn't play in matches.  That team I mentioned earlier:  It had 13 girls on it.  My stepdaughter's present team has 15 members.  So at all times, 9 of them won't be playing.  Oh, well.  

One criticism I have about the coaching:  Playing in practice is mandatory!  There is only one time in my practices when all my girls don't get an equal share:  That's when we're preparing for our most important match, when we win or we're eliminated, when the upcoming match is the one that'll meet our goals.  Practice is where players are supposed to improve.  I always say, "Don't get upset if you don't play, b/c you're improving SO much!"  But in your daughter's case, that's not true.  And that's the coach's fault.  :(

If your daughter gives up volleyball b/c she's not playing, I don't agree with that.  If she gives it up b/c it's no longer fun, or b/c she stands and watches 50% or more of practice, then I can agree with those reasons.  

Finally, you asked how to get her to play more aggressively......that's a tough one!  I don't know how a girl can play hard and aggressively (and well!) when she's denied equal practice time.  Almost all 2nd teammers (who are given equal practice time)have a problem playing well when they get into the game.  They know that they'll only be there for a few minutes, and they know that their brain-cramps & errors may be greatly magnified in the coaches' eyes.  I hope I don't coach that way.  On the contrary, I honestly expect my 2nd team girls to play poorly, and I never expect my 2nd team players to save the team from something the more skilled girls got us into!  haha  So I try to make 100% sure that the 2nd teammers' playing time is a good experience, and I DEFINITELY don't fuss at them when they don't do well. Actually, I tell all my girls who don't play much, "Just do the best you can.  That's all I want."  

By the way, my stepd. is now the starting libero for Radford University.  She's a junior.  She gave up soccer after the 9th grade.  We were OK with that.  But she liked track (b/c she played juniors and her tracks coaches allowed her to miss practices and meets), and she did participate in track all 4 years of high school and won many track awards.  It was pretty cool!  

Thank you again for the email.  When you have a moment, please visit me at www.coachhouser.com   If your daughter's coaches are looking for an inexpensive and fun -- yet intense -- site camp for this spring or summer, please pass my website onto them!  

Have a great weekend.
Tom Houser