QuestionDear Coach, I have 3 daughters in club volleyball. All play for the same club. My middle (age 14)daughters coach is also the director of the club and this is where our problem is.
This coach is prone to fits and verbal abuse to the point where players have left a tournament in tears due to her "coaching". She recently berated my daughter and said she has no potential, and should just drop out of the club. Her most recent tournament, she placed at the top of the team for stats in serving, setting, and kills. She is a respectable player and has not shown any disrespect to any of her coaches. I believe that the coach is doing this due to two of the parents (who she goes out drinking with) feeding her misinformation.
The question I have is: She has stated to us that she will be contacting my daughters coaches at the High School and make them aware of how difficult she is. Is this ethical? Or even allowed?
You should know that she is not the only one on the team that the coach has stated she will be doing this to. I have made numerous attempts to talk to her (in a mature manner) and basically her statements state that my daughter is a pathological liar and that whatever my daughter says never happened. We have been with this club for over three years but will not be returning.
Please help, this is a nightmare.
AnswerWhat has happened?
I've been thinking of you guys all week.
Has anything been solved?
If you want to email me, you can at
[email protected]
Coach Houser
www.coachhouser.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good afternoon and welcome to www.allexperts.com.
* Yes, leave the program after the season is over. However, do nothing that she can use against you. Do not curse to her or about her. Do not go around and bad-mouth her. Then she has ammunition to use against you. Not only do "two wrongs not make a right," but if you act as wrong as she does, then which side can people take? Do the right thing, and you'll have nothing later to try to defend/explain.
* Telling anyone they have no potential is inappropriate. Telling a 14 that is stupid. How does the coach know this? Sure, I can guess that a 14 year old may not be the next Misty May. But to guess she won't be an asset to a varsity team? to a JV team? to her next year's club team?
* But not only that, but I remember the mean thing my baseball coach said to me when I was 12. I remember the track coach insulted my character when I was in the 9th grade. I remember being cursed by my Spanish teacher when I was in the 10th grade. Kids remember those things. The coach has not only spoken improperly, but has given a kid a memory that no one deserves to have.
* Maybe there's a state where a club coach is barred from contacting a player's school coach. But I've never heard of it. In Virginia, sure, she can contact your daughter's coach. I, personally, have only done it for two reasons: To try to get the coach's help when a player was quitting, and to give the coach good news. I've never "told on" a player to their coach, and this is also an inappropriate behavior. Sure, if I run into one of my club player's coaches, I may say, "I think she will really have to improve her defense, if you want to use her in the back row," but under no circumstances would I EVER say something like, "She has absolutely no potential." Isn't that like saying, "No way you get into heaven." Who am I to judge that? I'd be just guessing.
* If someone asks you what happened, tell them. If someone asks you for your opinion, give it. I do that. Sure, I have been called on it, and I tell the person just what I've said: "I have spoken nothing but the truth. No rumors, no slander, just truth." "But what you're saying is hurting me & my program." "I will not stop talking the truth. If you want something different to be told, then change your behaviors."
* Coaches drinking with parents is a behavior that cross my personal ethical line. Nothing good can happen when coaches & parents drink together. I've heard coaches say, "I'm sorry. I don't go to tournaments to be a role model for my players 24 hours a day. I will be 'good' while I'm with them, but when I'm away from them, I'll be an adult." This just isn't my style. I hope that my players will never be embarrassed by my behavior at a tournament.
If you'll be a BigSouth this weekend, please come by and speak to me. I'll be with the Roanoke 16 Nationals on court 73 at 3pm on Friday.
Have a great day! Please visit me at www.coachhouser.com. I think you'll enjoy seeing all the smiling faces!
