Coach abusing the players! What can I do?

Question
My daughter made varsity this year, She was on freshmen and then JV and now varsity. She is in 11th grade. We have new coaches this year and they are really harsh. They make my daughter cry all the time buy telling her she don't have a position, the other girls are better then her. One of the coaches put her in a drill and the other coach in front of all the girls told the coach not her she wasn't practicing her because one of the other girls were better then her. Her self esteem is really low is their anything i can do or must I stay out of it. Also is this normal for coaches to belittle the girls in front of the team? She told one of the girls that we lost a game because of her. That girl cried thinking it was her fault, I don't get it there are 6 players..Thanks

Answer
Good morning and welcome to www.allexperts.com!

Now this is a different email than what I've been receiving.

If what you say is accurate, then I'm on your side.  

Yes, I hear of harsh coaches.  Yes, coaches who fuss and fuss sometimes produce loyal players and great teams.  But those coaches also sprinkle in affection, pats on the back, compliments, etc. with their harshness.  Your coaches don't sound like that.

No, I've never insulted a player in public.  I've fussed some, but not much, b/c I want my players to play well.  Fussing at volleyball players usually has the opposite effect.  If I do fuss, I try to do it behind closed doors, either one on one, or maybe during practice.  But I don't think I've every hollered/embarrassed/chastised a player in front of her teammates to the point that she cries or leaves practice.

But that's just me.  I believe vball players play better when they believe their teammates and their coach are all one big unified team.  In fact, I tell my players, "It's not me vs. you.  It's me AND you working together to reach the same goals."  

Do the players always agree with me?  No.  Do I have rules?  Sure.  Do I enforce them?  Sure.  But I have to, or the team will realize that I'm not looking out for them!  Yep, having reasonable rules with swift and reasonable consequences are essential for any team.  And if I don't provide the rules, and enforce them, then I'm looking out for Tom Houser.  I'm trying to take the easy road by looking the other way, rather than sacrificing my time and peace of mind by enforcing our team rules.  

Am I right?  Not necessarily.  I'm sure there are communities where if the coach doesn't yell & insult, the team doesn't respond.  I'm also sure there are some communities where the girls are more soft-hearted and would even think my methods are abusive.   

But, again, what you're describing to me is unacceptable.  If my daughter was being treated this way, I would consider it a reason to take her off the team.  I always tell players and parents, "There's only a few reasons to quit a team:  You move to a different locality, or you're being abused by the coaching staff.  No, disagreements, playing time, conditioning, and even injuries aren't reasons."  

If this were my daughter, I wouldn't stay out of it.  I would go to the school principal, to the athletic director or to the division superintendent.  I cannot deal with watching the child I love being abused.  My "child" now is a 20 year old college volleyball player.  So, I can't do much about the abuse she's receiving......she's a woman.  She'll have to decide how much she can withstand.  

Again, do all the coaches in your area treat all athletes this way in all sports?  If so, I guess you and your daughter will either have to live with it, or drop out of sports completely.

For all this typing, I ask one thing!  haha  Please visit me and my staff at www.coachhouser.com.  Last summer we directed 9 site camps.  If we come to your school, you'll see first hand how much fun volleyball is supposed to be!  AND how hard the girls will work and improve when they're enjoying themselves!  :)  

Please let me know how it goes!
Coach Houser