Starter on all previous club & school teams...now benched

Question
  My daughter (15) plays volleyball on the JV team this year. She's only 5'4 1/2" inches, but very athletic and in 7 months increased her vertical from 20 inches to 27 inches. She played OH,RH and DS both on her club team(#24 in the state) and Freshman team playing all-around on both. She also has three serving styles (a powerful bullet, light floater and a mean jump serve). She's worked so hard just to make the JV team this year but has been limited to DS (which she's ok with), but getting very little play time - if any. Her coach told her that she needs her as a DS more so that she could get other players in since they have to many hitters. She realizes she's not 6 feet tall, but even teammates that were on the line for making the team are getting more court time. It was like that from the very first scrimmage. She was getting in and playing very well but getting less and less time.
 She has the best attitude and her coach tells her that she's the hardest worker on the team.  She cheers for her teammates and is always positive. Her coach worked with her last season as well as on club - so what has changed that she can't seem to get in?  The only thing her coach says is that she knows she's a good player, but that she seems nervous and wants her to be more consistent.  Well, when you sit out for multiple games and then get put in for a few plays (you do your best) but it hard to get into the flow if that's all you are in for. Or if she makes a mistake she's pulled out right away. She's so dedicated - she hasn't missed a game or practice in seven years. Last year she had two honors classes and maintained a 4.0 GPA in every class all year.
 I'm writing today because it was extremely bad one for her. Her team played their main rival this evening and our team had three suspended players (for conduct toward teammates)out. Even though they only had nine players the coach brought up two freshman. As you guessed, my daughter was the only one that hadn't gotten in even though the were way ahead in the first game.  Finally, at the end of the second game she was put in for four plays, but never even got to touch the ball (it just didn't come her way) and then was taken out again. While she was happy just to get in -it still hurt that even with 3 players out she still was barely in.  
 She's not a quiter, but how should she handle this? She attends a Catholic High School and parents are not permitted to speak to the coaches. It's so frustrating as a parent. She's an honors student and stays up late just to get her homework done. It's her love of the game that keeps her playing. I personally wouldn't mind if she didn't want to play next year but I know she will!
 So please!  What advice can you give her to help her through this difficult year? I know it sounds like I'm sugar coating all her "fine qualities" and there must be something she isn't doing right, but truly - she is an exception young lady that not only works hard but plays hard.  I told her once before tryouts that, "She has the heart of a lyon...but just a cute, little kitty body!!!" That always makes her smile!
 Thank you for your time and any advice you can give.
 Sincerely,
 Concerned  

Answer
Good morning and welcome to www.allexperts.com!

You sound like a person who cares, rather than just a selfish parent who wants their daughter to be a star.  So, I won't give you the "get over it!" speech that I've been giving recently.

However, I will reiterate to you that she is a member of a team (which, by the behavior you described, she already knows and accepts).  So playing time isn't the issue.  The team playing well is the issue.  The team succeeding, placing 1st or 2nd in their conference -- or as high as they can -- is the issue.  Advancing to regionals, sectionals, states is the issue.  Not someone's individual playing time.  But, again, I think your daughter already knows this.

At any time, about half the team won't be playing.  My stepd's D1 college team began the seazson with 17 women.  WHOA!!  So, at all times, 11 aren't playing.  If one of them questions the coach, she may look at them and say, "Deal with it. You knew this when you joined.  You could have quit at the beginning.  If you quit now -- when it becomes apparent that you won't be a star -- then you're nothing but a quitter, a person who has to have self-glory to continue with something.  You're just like the little boy who, when he finds out he's going to lose, takes his ball and walks away."  But again,  you guys don't seem to have quitting in your future.  I'm just writing for future people who visit this site.  

It's just amazing that the volleyball family is usually happy as long as the daughter has a role.  They don't care if other girls aren't playing.  But those same happy families are ready to go nuclear as soon as THEIR daughter is asked to sacrifice her playing time so that the team can succeed.  I had two of those parents this past summer at JUNIOR NATIONALS in Miami.  Can you believe it?  We're at Nationals.  We had to win our state to get there.  And two parents, when their children didn't play on the final day (they played every other day), began cursing, grabbing me, threatening me, etc.  This type of attitude is numbing to me.  But, again, I can see that your family isn't like that.

Last night a parent in the bleachers asked me, "What do I tell my daughter so that she's satisfied with her limited role?"   I answered, "You say the right things.  You be the role model, the mature adult.  You say, 'It'll be fine.  Be a good kid.  It's team first.  You didn't try out for YOU.  You tried out for the TEAM. So don't worry about playing time.  You can get that in club, playing summer doubles, at camps, at open gyms, etc.  If you act selfish, you'll have both your coach and ME to deal with.' "  

You asked me, "How should she handle this?"  She will handle it as well as her role models do!  

Why is her coach not playing her?  Doesn't matter.  We don't care.  Playing time isn't an indication of character.  We don't take it personally.

I think IT'S GREAT that you can't talk to the coach about playing time!!  If you've looked at yesterday's question, the mom said, "I asked the coach why he played those girls."  I answered to her, "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"  It's a great rule.  Want the rule changed?  OK, as soon as you're allowed to talk to her about her team decisions, then she should be given the power to talk to you about how you're raising your child.  Is that a deal?  Is that what a parent wants?  I don't think so.  So let the coaches coach, and they'll let the parents be parents.

I think I've touched on what you asked about.  I can't be much more specific b/c I can't see your daughter's talents, I don't know what other agenda(s) your coach has, I don't know the talents of your daughter's teammates, etc.   

For all this typing, I need one favor from you!  :)  I need you to visit www.coachhouser.com.  I think you'll like the site camps that my staff provides, and I think you'll like the smiling faces.  How about we bring those faces to your daughter's school this summer?   

Hope you have a great day!
Thanks again for contacting me.
Now, it's on to a lunch meeting with all the math teachers are my school.  :(

Tom Houser