Does gender of coach matter? Does an assistant help?

Question
QUESTION: My daughter tried out and made two club teams!  She is excited to get picked for a higher level team in a different club where she would be on the second team.  The club we already belong to, she would be one of the main players but the chemistry with the other girls is not good.  There is a clique with the setter and my daughter is not in with them.  She says she would rather not play at all than deal with the drama.  She is 14 and is not mature enough to put drama aside and just deal with the game.  So what is a better option?  The training is good in the other club.  The girls are mostly new to the team but not to the club.  My daughter and a few others are new to the club.  However, she is not used to sitting on the bench during a game.  I wonder if she would be mature enough for that.  It would be tough, but I could deal with her sitting on the bench during tournaments if I saw her skills improving in practice. Another option is, I could move her down a level at both clubs, but those girls are new to the game and are learning the fundamentals.  After all this my question is, how important is play time in the tournaments to the players skill development?  Or is it more important to practice with higher level players?  If it is to be a benchwarmer, what suggestions do you have for me to make this an enjoyable year for her? Thanks

ANSWER: Good evening and welcome to www.allexperts.com.

This is easy to answer!  BOTTOM LINE:  What will help your daughter improve the quickest?

If the higher level team practices a lot, then playing time isn't an issue.  Well, it's not an issue regardless.  But more on that later.  If the higher level team doesn't practice much, then you do have a tough situation.  But I imagine the higher level team practices more than the lower level, thus it's a win-win.  WIN b/c she's practicing more, and WIN b/c she's practicing vs. better players.  

It appears that you're suffering over this b/c you don't want your daughter to be on the bench.  Forget p.t.  My stepd. is on a D1 team, and there's one girl on the team who I haven't seen on the court YET.  And the team has played 20 matches.  If she squawks, then she'd probably be asked not to return.  So, in your daughter's case, p.t. is not important.  Improvement is.  And girls improve A LOT MORE at challenging, fun, well-thought-out practices.  

How will it be an enjoyable year?  You will make it so by saying positive things.  Both parents and players MUST NOT link playing time to being a successful vball player.  P.t. must not be linked to being a good person, or to one's self esteem.  Making the higher level team is awesome.  Being ALLOWED to be on a club volleyball team is a privilege, one that about 99% of the girls in her school will never be a part of.  

If your daughter believes what I just typed, then she WILL be able to keep her head in the game and be ready to play.  But she may take her lack of playing time internally, it may hurt her feelings.  Thus, she will not be as happy as she could be watching the AWESOME matches that she will be watching, and she will not perform as well as she could when given the opportunity.

For example, a few nights ago on my stepd. D1 team, a soph (who had started as a fresh) went in as an OH. She hasn't played much at all this season b/c she hasn't been productive.  And it showed.  She was nervous, hit a few easy shots out, and got taken back out.  And she was on the Conference All-Freshman team last year!  Wow.  She's gone from completely confident to completely nervous and ineffective.  One year ago, my stepd had lost her starting spot. And when she played, she looked very similar to the sophomore.  It's normal.  But it must be fought off.  You daughter can also end up this way!  I encourage her to be happy for p.t., and not unhappy when she doesn't receive it.  

I would predict that your daughter's slight bit of p.t. will not be increased this season.  But, again, she will be lucky to get any at all.  I would guess that she was not chosen for the higher level team to be a starter; but, to help them win championships with her hustle, skills, and determination at practice.  Will she be ready to play if she's needed. Yes.  Will she play well?  That's up to her.  But it's more in her parents' hands, as they can say positives, or they can mope, complain, b****, whine, etc.      

If your daughter accepts a position on the stronger team, then she MUST do the following: CONTROL WHAT SHE IS IN THE CONTROL OF.  She is not in control of practice, of playing time, of the drills that Coach uses, of what jerseys are worn, etc.  She IS in control of her effort and attitude!

Therefore, she must:
* work hard at practice;
* cheer, cheer, cheer for her team.
* show her disappointment to her teammates or to her coach.

Thank you again for visiting.  Now, would you do one thing for me?  Would you visit www.coachhouser.com?  Last summer my staff directed 9 site camps in AK, Va, DE and Pa.  They were so much fun!  Please consider having one of my staff members come to your school and direct a camp......any # of days, any # of hours per day!!  You choose!! We have just a few requirements.  The programs who have the $250 down payment to me by December 1st get first dibs on the available weeks!  

Chat anytime!
Coach Houser

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Coach!  Both the higher and lower level teams practice 4 hours a week.  One of the parents told me the coach on the higher level time is one of the bettercoaches.  It is a male coach and she has had female coaches before.  Also, i think the higher level team will have an assistant coach.  Does any of this matter? the gender of the coach matter?

Answer
Hey!

I got an email with your feedback on it.  Thanks!  

We do camps for school, clubs, etc.  Doesn't matter.  Last summer we were in Pennsylvania, Delaware, Alaska along with Virginia.

I think the website will answer most of your coach's questions......but the most important ones are YES the camps reasonably prices ($7 per camper per hour.  You do the math and you'll see why the people on the website are smiling haha) and YES I am old enough to be challenging %26 knowledgeable, while mature enough to realize that it's summer camp and not the Olympic tryouts, and YES kids need to be challenged along with having fun!  

Have a great week!!

Thank you again.  Please visit anytime!

Tom

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Good evening again!

OK.  For answering two questions for you, you now are required to have your coach consider a STAR camp for next summer!  :)  

COACHING GENDER:  Whoa, I've never commented on this before.  

My stepd, who plays D1 ball, has told me before, "I'd rather have a man coach any day."  Does that mean she REALLY feels that way, or is just saying that b/c she's had female coaches nearly her entire vball career.  Don't know.  

From personal experience, here are some of the ads and disads of having a male coach.

MALE COACH:  Advantages:  Usually lack of mood swings.  Usually lack of pettiness.  According to my assistant coach who's been with me 4 years, men also usually doesn't take things personal; in other words, a skip of practice doesn't results in "Why did she do that to ME?" or "What did she mean by THAT?"  

MALE COACH:  Disadvantages:  (a) Often doesn't understand what his players are going through.  He looks at issues as being cut-and-dried, and doesn't realize what emotions his girls are going through dealing with just every day things.  (b) Is often more competitive, and thus may (c) often hurt his female players' feelings.  (c) Is often less fun to play for b/c he's less communicative, less smiling, less joking.  

I'm sure there are many other ads %26 disads that readers of this post will come up with.  I have written an article, "What Male Coaches Need To Know About Their Female Players."  If anyone would like to see it, it can be downloaded on my website at www.coachhouser.com.  Just touch the "Ebooks" link and then scroll down.  

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ASSISTANT COACH.  This person can be very valuable or worthless.  The assistant is valuable, if she (a) has knowledge of the game and (b) is allowed to share it with the players.  Many head coaches who do have knowledgeable assistant either don't give them anything to do, or micro-manage what they do so carefully that the assistant feels like she's working inside a closet.  

At my practices, I often separate my players into stations.  So my assistant may take the MB's %26 OH's, while I take the setters and DS/L's.  Something like this.  If she isn't so knowledgeable, I will give her specific directions.  But if she does know her stuff, then I'll just say, "I need a, b, c and d taught."  I won't even give her any drills, unless she asks for them.  

I give my assis. as much freedom as she can handle as much as she wants.  I figure 2 coaches are much better than one.  Anything she's competent at, she will be responsible for.  

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Hope you guys have a great week of playing vball!  Does your daughter play JV?  or middle school?  Does your team have a website?  What's the best thing you like about www.coachhouser.com?  :)  

Chat anytime!
Coach Houser