QuestionHi,
My son is a freshman at a high school that doesn't have a
good volleyball program. He has played club volleyball for
3 years. His current club team did very well in the qualifiers for the open division for the junior olympics in Austin this July.
He is 6' 3 and is good player with a lot of potential. My husband
and I are not overbearing parents. We just watch from the sidelines.
My son has been to all tryouts and I can see how frustrated he is
but I have not seen any major attitude. The coach has played in the
olympics and is older. There were about a handful of good players
overall, so there is potential. The problem is mainly all these
players made it onto the varsity team leaving my son on the
JV. I wouldn't be against him playing on the JV team except that
the players are so new that they have trouble even passing to get
a volley going. My older son who has played club also has watched
a practice and feels that his brother should not play and will
only be learning bad habits. I feel that any practice or team will
help and that things happen for a reason. My husband agrees with
my older son. My son is worried that his playing skills won't be
up to par with his other team mates when they play in the JO"s.
My son is so disheartened, that he doesn't want to play now.
Am I wrong in trying to have him play when the rest of the family
disagrees with me. Thanks
AnswerHello Lisa:
Just wondered if you had any comments on what I sent you?
You may not want to post it here. If you have any feedback, you can send it to
[email protected].
Thanks and have a wonderful Sunday!
Tom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good afternoon Lisa and welcome to www.allexperts.com!
Your question is one that nearly every athletic family has to deal with.
Isn't it odd, however, than in America, we're SO concerned about our children's athletics, and not their academics? I mean, if your has an old/Olympic math teacher, and he isn't progressing fast enough, as you guys sat and watched him, yet he is on the math team at the area Magnet School........what would be your family's reaction? Where academics is probably 20 times more important to a child's future than athletics, we concentrate so much on the ...... can I say "trivial"? So interesting.
Am I saying you're wrong? No, I think you are normal. For example, here in Roanoke, parents line up to pay me to give their children volleyball lessons. I could probably do 15 hours of vball lessons a week. But, if their child is having trouble in math? or English? I have tutored children in math (which is what I've been teaching for 30 years) 3 hours in the past year. Amazing what us Americans value: success in athletics! And it's amazing what we don't value as highly: academics.
Now you'll say, "We DO value our child's academics." But, Lisa, how often have you said the following to your children? "Honey, we know your math teacher and your classmates are inferior. But it'll be ok. But you just keep on trying. As long as you're trying your hardest, we're OK with that." Probably 5 times per child. How often have you have a family meltdown over it (like you are regarding a JV vball team)? Never. Yet it's 20 times more important.
I'm now coaching an outstanding 15's team! Odds are that maybe 2 will play D1 and 4 others will play D2/D3/NAIA. I'm not being disrespectful! That's just the average of my teams since I moved to Roanoke in 2001. But, while half the team may play college ball, I guarantee you that 100% of them will have to read, write, calculate, teach their children, etc.
A child's education is so so much more important; yet, us parents concentrate (and meltdown)on what's a pastime: athletics.
Have you heard enough of that? haha Now to your question.
a) In your family, how important is one's word?
I mean, your son accepted a place on the team. If he didn't want to play on the JV team, he should have said so at that time the spot on the team was offered. At the time, he should have said, "No, I don't want to play on JV," and have accepted being cut. But, he didn't do that. He accepted a place on the team, and I imagine others were cut. That's his word, his promise, to be there for the team and his teammates. If his word/promise is not important to your husband, your older son, or him, then sure. He can quit.
b) Will he be letting down his teammates?
What do most boys do after their star player quits? They hate him. I was 15 once. I would. Is that what you sons/husband are choosing? If your son doesn't mind being hated by a dozen other boys who he will leaving hanging out to dry, then fine. He can quit.
c) If he quits, will this affect his future?
Of course it will. His teammates will make it known around campus that he quit. His coach will tell other coaches, thus jeopardizing his chances to make other athletic teams. College coaches will contact his h.s. coach, and what will his h.s. coach say? "He only wants to play on strong teams. He will quit when his teammates are inferior and if he doesn't get his way."
And what perflexes me even more is when parents/kids get upset when ex-teammates and ex-coaches speak these truths. I'd like to say, "WHY ARE YOU UPSET? It's all true. You did this to YOURSELF. Heck yeah, people are going to talk, and you can't complain when it's the truth. You let people down, you walked away from a promise. Just DEAL WITH IT!" That's the path your family wants to choose? Then fine. He can quit.
There are only 2 defendable reasons to quit a team: (1) Abuse from the coaches & (2) moving out of the community. Playing time is NEVER a good reason. That excuse is sickening. How selfish can a person be? Incompetence of coaches, injury, lack of practice time, unhappiness with role, etc. aren't good reasons to quit either.
d) Will his skills not stay "up to par"?
I guess. But, again, I'm pretty sure none of his friends have the "ultimate coach" either. How many incredible coaches are are out there anyway? You mean ALL of his club teammates have incredible coaches? Really? I imagine most of his teammates don't think their coach is good enough, or they think their team isn't working hard enough, or they think their team isn't practicing enough......or something. They're kids. They have no clue. Of course they're dissatisfied. Just like your son.
Yes, I have a strong opinion on this. He accepted a spot on the team KNOWING that the "good" players had been moved to varsity. He went in with his eyes open. I would tell your son, "Sorry. Finish the season. Keep your word. Don't break your promise to your team. You chose to be on this team. No one forced you. Don't quit and have your named trashed across campus and to future coaches. Do the right thing for the team, not the easy/convenient thing for yourself. Think of the team first."
If you have more questions, please contact me again either here, or at
[email protected]. And then, for all this typing, will you visit me at www.coachhouser.com! I'd be honored! I think you'll like the smiling faces.
Tom Houser
Roanoke, VA
