Senior not playing, Mom expects some playing time!

Question
My daughter is a High-School Senior who has been playing volleyball for 5-years.  This year she is on the Varsity Team.  
The problem is this:  More than half of the senior girls do not get to play.  The coach has been putting the same 5 or 6 best players in every game, and 3 of these girls are 9th graders.
This is very upsetting to me and, from what I hear in the bleachers, many other parents and players.
Can the coach be allowed to do this?
All players have to attend every practice, purchase the expensive shoes, participate in fundraisers (parents too), and put up and take down the nets.  
Please tell me there is a rule regarding equality when it comes to playing time too!

Answer
Good evening and welcome to www.allexperts.com.

Your question really bothers me.  

You're saying that when your daughter was a freshman or soph, and if was judged by her coaches to be better than the seniors, you would expect the seniors to have a share of the playing time that your daughter had earned? Really?  Really?  

Playing time is completely at the coach's discretion.  On my teams, it's "an issue that will not be discussed," and I don't discuss it
with players or with parents.  

You are convinced that your daughter deserves playing time.  No girl deserves playing time, especially if they're in their high school years.   

You went to this site to ask an expert. I have a lot of it.  haha  Just ask my wife!  And just like my wife, you can ignore it, if you wish!

A) Regardless of whether the coach should be playing her or not, you and your daughter and your family have to get over it.  You and her must get that disgusted/upset/sad look off your faces, be there for the team, and keep cheering for the team.  Your daughter must keep on giving maximum effort at practice, keep on being prompt, keep on being someone her teammates will admire and want to be friends with.  

B)  Every kid who plays sports much at all has one or more coaches doesn't give her playing time.  When I went to high school & college, I had probably 100 different teachers.  But I had to make a good grade in each class.  There were some that I despised.  There were some I loved!  But I made it through. Your daughter must also.  

C)  Using my example above, you and your daughter cannot allow 1 discouraging situation to suck all the pleasure out of a sport.  The parents must say to their daughter, "This will pass. It's like braces, or a bad teacher.  You must 'survive' this situation."  You must also say that TO YOURSELF!

D) Leave the coach alone.  If your daughter isn't playing, then she needs to work harder, encourage more, cheer louder, have more fun, etc.  And get over it.  Or get used to it.  Or, I guess she can choose being miserable.  

E)  If you are happy when your child plays, but unhappy when she isn't playing, then you have a problem:  It's called selfishness.  I hope this doesn't describe you.  The past two junior seasons, I've had parents fume/scowl b/c their daughter wasn't playing.  That's an indication that the parent really cares more about their own selfish needs than either raising their children, or about their child's team.  Sad.  

F)  She could have been cut.  She wasn't.  Wouldn't that have been worse?  Wouldn't you have talked about the coach like a dog then?  

I hope that your daughter enjoys her final few days playing for her school team.  I hope that you do also.  These days will never come back.  You can relish them.  Or you can waste them.  It's your choice.

Tom Houser
www.coachhouser.com