Club Volleyball

Question
QUESTION: Hello.
I have a big problem. My daughter plays for a Club Volleyball team. Her coach is the Club Director. The team was doing very well up until a month ago. The girls have been losing everything. Its all falling apart. The coach is adament about attending the AAU's in,June. Most parents dont agree with the Orlando trip. The team is not doing well and parents dont want to spend the high dollar airfare and tournament fees since we are losing everything. The coach will not listen. The team is now in Reno at a qualifier. I was unable ti go because of my work. My daughter rode with the chaperone but is keeping the team separated from the parents. He had a team meeting until 11:30 last night and individually cornered each girl about their 攕ituation?regarding Orlando. He does not want to discuss any other tournament. He wanted each girl to tell him NOW if they were onboard for Orlando. If its a financial thing, the girls could get work permits to pay!! One girl has been accepted to take college classes and he told her to reconsider taking her classes!! He humiliated them and bullied them. What advice can u give?  My daughter said she is scared if him. My husband and I cannot afford Orlando plus we dont think being around him is a good idea if he knows your not going. Also, can they sue us for the remaining balance? I only owe one month practice of $359.29 and $900 for end if year tournament. The player/parent contract just states to honor your financial commitment but there is no dollar amount on the contract. I think we want out because the coach/director is crazy. Please advise. thank you

ANSWER: Hello Melanie and welcome to www.AllExperts.com

My name is Coach Tovar

To make sure that all my readers young and old can understand some of my comments, I have chosen to use simple vocabulary words and interpret the rule for this sole purpose.

The best advice I can give you to read my answer and the ask this same question to other professionals and pick the best answer.

Sometimes you need take a step back and try to reflect in yourself and ask yourself several questions and see if something is unfair because it is or because you didn't do anything to fix it until it was too late.

"It is easier to blame someone for not helping you then to simply ask for help" TOVAR

This is just my opinion but I have had the opportunity to work with individuals like the one you speak of. I can only give you advice based on the information you gave. I can also only state the facts about the view of a coach. Because I tend to do this some of the answers might or might not be what you would like to hear but my main goal is to be fair to everyone especially the one who is not here to defend themselves.

"Most parents don't agree with the Orlando trip."
If this is a problem then parents must state this as soon as this subject comes up plus parents have the right to not allow their daughters and or sons to go to the trip. Coaches usually want a full commitment from their players. If this was mentioned at the beginning of the season then the trip should not be a problem. Coaches must also allow players enough time to raise any additional funds or perform any necessary fundraisers for trips that might be too expensive.

"The team is not doing well"
You must stick with your team whether they win or loose. This is a good thing to teach your daughter.

"Sometimes the true goal is blocked but someone's hurt" TOVAR

"parents dont want to spend the high dollar airfare and tournament fees since we are losing everything."
Parents don't always have to attend every single game their daughters have. Whether they are loosing or not, your support is always appreciated and important to your coach and especially to your daughter.

"The coach will not listen."
I need more information about what the coach does not listen to.

"The team is now in Reno at a qualifier. I was unable ti go because of my work."
Remember parents don't always have to attend every single game their daughters have.

"My daughter rode with the chaperone but is keeping the team separated from the parents."
This doesn't sound too bad since most coaches would want their players to concentrate more on their game and have less pressure about their parents.

"He had a team meeting until 11:30 last night"
You might want to bring this up to whoever this coach answers too or you might just simply ask this coach why this meeting was held this late. Did you get prior notice about this meeting? Has the coach held these types of late meeting before? Were you not told of this meeting ahead of time? Was this an emergency meeting maybe?

"and individually cornered each girl about their 攕ituation?regarding Orlando."
Was this trip stated that was going to happen with time. Did you or your daughter accept to go and are now unsure of going? Did a situation occur where you might not be able to go? Did her coach need an answer that would suggest that he needs to be sure that all players are going in order to plan the trip.

"He does not want to discuss any other tournament."
Has several parents talked to him about other tournaments or only one or two parents did? Would this tournament in Orlando help your daughters chances of going into a division III college?

"He wanted each girl to tell him NOW if they were onboard for Orlando."
This goes with my other question whether or not your daughter can attend so that he can either have a complete team or not and make the necessary preparations.

"If its a financial thing, the girls could get work permits to pay!! One girl has been accepted to take college classes and he told her to reconsider taking her classes!!
This I can say I truly don't agree with this coaches' decision but It does not make sense with the rest of his decisions so far.

"He humiliated them and bullied them."
If this happened then I suggest you talk to somebody that this coach answers to, write down what this coach said to your daughter and the dates plus the number of times this has happened.

"What advice can u give?  My daughter said she is scared if him."
I think you are stuck in a situation where a commitment was made yet it has been difficult to follow through to where you can get out in good terms and not continue to follow this coach for next year.

"My husband and I cannot afford Orlando plus we dont think being around him is a good idea if he knows your not going."
If your daughter can go and you cannot then I would suggest you allow your daughter to finish this year and talk to a chaperone who might be going or another parent who is going and
tell this parent to look after your daughter at least this time.

The last thing you want is to make trouble for a volleyball program and be labeled to other facilities as a "trouble maker" and have your daughter loose the opportunity to continue her love for volleyball. Do not allow this coach the chance to have a good reason to pass the word around about yourself and your daughter and make it difficult for your daughter to attend any other places. All coaches dislike parents who are too involved in their daughters sports life to where they will make trouble for their daughter. Sometimes the daughter acts to how the parent sees things.

"Don't be the parent that uses their daughters to fight what the parent misunderstands and sees in practice" Tovar

"Also, can they sue us for the remaining balance? I only owe one month practice of $359.29 and $900 for end if year tournament. The player/parent contract just states to honor your financial commitment but there is no dollar amount on the contract. I think we want out because the coach/director is crazy. Please advise. thank you"

As far as legal documents are concerned I would not be able to help you in this area. I would just say that it would be better to pay the remaining amount by using the money for the trip your husband and yourself would of have used.

"There are two types of decisions -logical and emotional. Logical decisions hurt a little but emotional decisions are long lasting" Tovar

I hope this answers your question.

For the time is takes me to write all this information and possibly do research to give you the most updated information all I ask in return are two things.

1.   Please take the time to rate me. Any feedback you can provide for me will be great.
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Thank you for visiting www.AllExperts.com

Coach Tovar


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you Coach for your response. I hate to have to go into it but the main reason for our daughter not to go is affordability. My husband has recently lost hours and right now we are just wanting to make sure we don't lose our house. We can't really come right out and say that because it's embarrassing for all of us. The other parents just don't want to go for reasons like the team is losing a lot and why can't we attend a closer tournament that is easier to attend. We went along and agree with that reason but our main is financial. The tournament fees is $900 which doesn't include the $550 roundtrip airfare just for our daughter alone. The minimal cost will be $1500 which we don't have. We can pay the remaining training of $359.59 but then we can't afford anymore. I haven't spoken to the coach/director especially after the harrassing and bullying to the girls. My daughter told me she was scared if she didn't go to Florida but was embarrassed to tell him we can't afford it. In the contract it states they would go to Junior Nationals, AAU's, Arizona or Summer Soiree. We were aware of these tournaments but can't help our situation has changed. When I said the coach won't listen is because many parents approached him and let him know that they didn't agree with Florida (we Live in California) and he tried to justify why Florida was the best and told the parents what they wanted to hear. The parents thought Florida was done but then he called an 攅mergency?meeting with the girls til 11:30 at night and singled them out and tge work permit thing and all of that came out. He is getting the girls so scared that they will convince their parents to go along with Florida. Our situation is financial, another girl has been offered college.courses, two other girls will be in summer school. I don't know what to do.......We probably can't afford anymore Club so she won't return to this team next year.

Answer
Hello again Melanie and it is unfortunate about your financial situation.

I hope it soon gets better for both of you. I believe that that there are certain situations in

life which makes it okay for a player to quit and this sounds like a very logical decision to

make.


I would suggest that you quit while you are ahead and spend that money with your daughter,

husband and yourself and enjoy yourselves and put this situation behind you. Hopefully you and

your family will get a great start. Don't be afraid to do the right thing and tell the coach or

write a letter to him that you will only support him this far.

Good luck and I'll be here if you need any more help.

Coach Tovar