Disappointed soph daughter, placed on JV

Question
QUESTION: My 15-year-old L/DS played JV last year as a freshman at a highly-ranked HS. During club, she placed in the Elite program at an excellent club. She and two other highly-regarded players, however, were placed on the 15-2 team, with the explanation that this was to create 2 more equal teams. It was obvious, however, that her team was weaker, with the exception of the 3 players. My daughter was expected to be an example and lead the team, but she was exasperated because some of the players just weren't as serious. My daughter is intense, driven, and plays to win! This summer, she attended camps, lessons, and conditioning and was asked to attend varsity camp, so she was feeling positive and encouraged. She was therefore, absolutely devastated to be placed on JV(her club teammate made varsity, which really made it sting). The varsity coach said that any other year, she would have made varsity, but there were 4 others trying out for L/DS (2 seniors, 2 jrs.) and that she would definitely play varsity next year. The JV coach said that she expects her to be the leader and that she'll play all of the time. My daughter is so disappointed because she wants the challenge of a more intense team and she feels that she won't improve. I am dreading the season and dealing with a frustrated kid, especially after the dreadful club season. She'll make a great dig, but it won't be followed through and this drives her crazy. My questions are:
1. How do we respond/help her not to be frustrated?
2. Should we talk to the coach and tell her how our daughter
  wants to be challenged and ask how this can happen?
3. Our daughter is just 5' tall. Should we even continue to encourage her to pursue vb or should we point her to pursue other sports (she's very fast and ran track in MS, but couldn't this spring because her VB club was so time consuming)? Despite her size, she really is a solid, dedicated player and she loves vb, whereas she does not really love track.
Thank you for your insight and advice. I have read your other replies and am very impressed with your wisdom. I wish we lived in Virginia so she could play at your club!

ANSWER: Good morning and welcome to www.allexperts.com!  
First, thank you for all the info.  It makes it so much easier to answer you.  Next, thank you also for not being an over-the-top, ready-to-kill-someone parent.   It makes it so much easier to speak to someone who is rational & logical.    
However, that being said, I would say that your daughter is probably a VERY lucky person!
* Is she healthy?  
* Is she making good grades?
* Is she a child that understands/accepts her parents' house rules?
* Since she plays club ball, I assume she has all the necessities of life.  Lucky girl!  
* Since she is an American, she can be whatever she wants to be.  And regardless of what happens on these vball teams, she can be a pharmacist, architect, accountant, lawyer....or a high school math teacher like me!  :)  

Now to your questions:

1) Maybe tell her how fortunate she is.  Also, tell her that everyone is assigned to situations that they don't prefer.  I'm sure you can give her personal examples where you had to "bide your time," or "pay your dues."  If there are indeed 4 DS/L people ahead of her, what were the coaches to do?  Put FIVE of them on varsity?  Then the 5 of them would have been standing around 50% of practice every day watching.  Is that superior?  And your daughter might be the 5th DS/L to get playing time?  WHOA!  Sure, she may have beaten 1 or 2 or 3 or maybe all of them.  However, most coaches believe playing a soph and letting a senior or a junior sit is disruptive to the team, and they will do their best to justify the older girls starting.  
Personal story:  1994 I had SEVENTEEN freshmen in my school program.  Five were already on varsity.  When they became seniors, there were still 9 of them.  They had all played club ball, they had all "paid the price," played outdoor doubles...they were GOOD, and our team was AWESOME!  I cut none of them.  We had 13 on varsity:  9 seniors and 4 juniors.  Meanwhile, sophomore Shannon and freshman Kimberly would come to our practices, and just watch.  They were SO under-utilized on the JV team, they were bored, they longed for a spot on varsity where they would be challenged. (The next year, Kimberly was conference player of the year, Shannon was our team MVP, played college ball, and is now the DIRECTOR of her own club that had 7 teams in it last season! So, yeah, these girls were serious players!)  
Anyway.... being underutilized, being underchallenged happens.  Sometimes it's unavoidable.  I sure hope, for your daughter's sake, that none of the 4 DS/L girls stink.  If they do, that will cause her more anger/resentment.  Luck for me, none of those 13 girls in 1997 stunk, so Shannon & Kimberly didnt' really have a beef.  They wouldn't have gotten any playing time anyway.  :)   But, our JV team did have a GREAT season (approx 18-2) and the varsity team had a 24 match winning streak, only losing our first match and our final match.  Sweeeeet season!  

2.  Sure, you can talk to the coach.  Please be unemotional and logical just as you have been with me here.  Expect nothing to change.  But, the coach may some ideas for your daughter.  You may have some ideas that you can present to her:  (a) Daughter attending both JV and varsity practice with NO expectations of actually touching ball at varsity practice....just wants to be there.  See how that goes!  (b) Daughter moving up to varsity with no expectations of playing or practice time.  (I don't think this is in your best interests, b/c practicing full time is better than standing and watching 50% and playing 0%.)   Maybe you can think of other ideas.  

3.  My wife had a GREAT line when the topic of "Should we continue.....," and it was, "Lauren will decide."  I would encourage you to follow that wise advise:  Let your daughter decide.  I would recommend that as long as (a) she's not be abused by her coaches/teammates and (b) her grades are acceptable to you.....then let her decide.  She will tell you when she wants to change courses.  And until she does, please support her and her endeavors for as long as she is not in danger, her grades are acceptable, and long as your family can financially afford it.  

Finally, thank you the nice words. At 54 years old, I've seen a lot and vball has sent me to a lot of places.  It's much easier to be "wise" than it was when I started coaching at 25.  It's also SO MUCH easier when you're approximately the same age as the parents.

What else can we do for you?
If you have a moment, please visit me at www.coachhouser.com.  I think you'll really like the smiling faces!  My team this past year participated in Junior Nationals in Columbus OH.  It was a great season.  Can't wait for the next one!  

Coach Houser


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much for the insight. Because you were so articulate and helpful, I do have an additional couple of questions:

1. Any suggestions for our daughter in regards to motivating/leading players who may not have intensity/natural ability?

2.  Do you recommend private lessons even during the season?

3. What can my daughter do during the season to personally improve (if the level of playing is, as she anticipates, not challenging)?

4.  Can you recommend any camps which are specifically suited to develop L/DS players (for next summer)?

Thanks again for the encouragement, expertise, and great advice.  I would love to have you as my daughter's coach OR math teacher!

Answer
Hello again!
Let's get after your follow-up questions.
1. I would not worry about motivating teammates much. And worry about leading even less. Sure, I want her to support and encourage. And if that's motivating, and leading, fine. I don't expect my players to motivate or to lead. If they are doing the right thing, then motivating teammates will probably happen, leadership may happen. I know that some people reading this will say "Are you kidding me?" No I'm not. I CAN pretty much force my players to be encouraging and supportive. These are behaviors. But, I can't force kids to be leaders , because that's a personality trait.

2.  Lessons while in-season?  Depends. Is this physically exhausted? Then no. Is she battling injuries? Then no. Does she have lots of homework, big match the next day, etc? Then no.  
When should she consider lessons in-season? To increase p.t.  To reduce frustrations. To hold onto p.t.   :)   Learning a new position. Clean up a skill that she is having issues perfecting.

3.  There are a few options.  * Find time to play with her club teammates. * Get in the wt room.  * Lessons.  * See if there are doubles opportunities.  
Ask your daughter to be creative.    :)   

4. Camps are a crap shoot.  I recommend you ask parents of girls who have attended position camps and get their input:  Did their daughters benefit? or did they feel like a number, one camper out of hundreds, where there's one coach per 100 kids, etc.  When you receive that feedback, then you can make your decision; and your decision may even be to not send your child to any position camp whatsoever. Really.

If you have more questions, please contact me anytime!
Club volleyball tryouts are right around the corner!! Can't wait!!