Childrens Sports

Question
I have a 13 year old step-daughter. She is involved in girl's softball and is quite good at it. She seems to go to practice nearly every day during the season and plays on a "club" ball team. Every time she gets up to bat, the expectations are for her to hit it out of the park. Chelsey is quite tall and packs a punch in her swing.

Recently, her team was finishing the season at a tournament about 2 hours north of us. Initially, Chelsey was picked by her coach to play and she really wanted to go. As the time got closer, she became moody. When probed as to what was bothering her, she indicated to me that she didn't want to go to the tournament and felt the reason she had wanted to go in the first place was because her mother wanted her to go (her mother played softball as a child and was quite an athlete). Chelsey also said she felt heavy pressure to perform and made to feel that it was "expected" of her to hit a home run every time at bat. Her mother and I have differing views of this situation. Her mother feels that since Chelsey made the initial commitment to go, that she should be made to follow through on that commitment so as not to let the Team down. I, on the other hand, feel that Chelsey's feelings should be regarded and she should not be "forced" to go, if she has changed her mind as this will only cause her resentment for the sport and possibly for her mother. I wanted her to go because it was HER decision and she would be doing it for herself and not for anyone else. What is right in this situation? Should a 13 year old be forced to adher to a commitment, or is it her prerogative to change her mind based on her current feelings?

Thanks for your advice.

Gary Smith

Answer
Hi Gary,

Although I have 3 grown children I am probably not the person to ask this.  I could only give you my opinion as a dad.

I did check out this site and advise you to go to "parenting/family" then "Parenting of Adolescents" and then take your pick of the numerous experts there.

good luck

Mark