Mental Block with 10 yr. old son.

Question
My son is 10 and plays on an in-house, metro, and all-star basketball teams.  He is currently just playing in the all-star team.  He has not scored in the past 4 games and it is really effecting him.  He went from playing with all his heart to pulling back and thinking the coach doesn't like him anymore.  Any tips on getting his confidence back the more we talk to him the worse it becomes.  We tell him to just lighten up and have fun, but he says he doesn't play to have fun he plays to win.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  Thank you

Answer
Hello Lisa

The first thing I would do is find out what was going on five games ago (when he scored).  Did anything happen in that game or afterward?  Did someone say something to him?  I work with children as well as adults and I can tell you that even an off-hand comment can destroy a child's confidence.  If something like this happened, try to get him to tell you about it and how he feels about it.  Let him vent.  He may feel that something happened that's not fair and, just as with adults, letting him know he has the right to feel angry about it might be enough to purge it, which is what we want (for a 10 year old).

It also sounds like he's putting a LOT of pressure on himself. Why?  When a 10 year old says "I don't play for fun, I play to win" it kind of sounds like an adult comment coming out of a child's mouth.  Did he hear that somewhere?  Coaches and other parents can put way too much pressure on children for the adult's own purposes.  I believe you can help your son if you can help him understand that it's OK to play for fun and that for a 10 year old, sports are SUPPOSED to be fun.

Let me know how it goes and if you'd like any further ideas.  I hope your son gets back to enjoying basketball.

David

David Kenward, The Mental Coach
Sacramento, California
http://www.thementalcoach.com
Win the Mental Game: Perform better under pressure in any sport
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