top player has 1 time at bat

Question
QUESTION: This is a baseball game involving 14 year old boys and girls.  My questions are these:  After hitting a nice double, stealing 3rd, and scoring why would a coach bench the player for the rest of the game?  The game was lost 6 to 2. The player was one of two kids to make it home safely. Other players had 4 times at bat and struck out, popped out,
or walked after their 4 times.  The player is a catcher and a very good one. He makes every practice on time and tries his best.  He also loves baseball.
After the game the player cannot find his glove.  He looks and looks but the dugout is only so big. Waiting for him his mother hears him looking for the glove.  The coach is packed up and hears the player too.  The coach says nothing to the player.  The mother tells the coach the player cannot find his glove.  The coach says nothing.  He starts to leave and the mother again tells him the player cannot find his glove.  He raises his voice, calling the woman mam tells her the player should have taken care of his stuff. The mother says OK can we look in the equipment bags for the glove.  Of course it could be someone threw the glove in one of the bags by mistake.  The coach says mam again and has a kid look through the bags. They hardly look at all. The coach gets angry and surly and leaves. Should the coach been more concerned about finding the glove?  We don't have the glove and the player is stressing over his glove and the mother is mad about the whole thing.  Did I miss something?  Thank you for your time.
June

ANSWER: Hi June,

been there both as coach and parent.  Seems the coach has some issues with the player, team and parents.

Why would a coach bench a player that obviously contributed to a game?  Sounds like something personal is going on here.  

My own child was on a team that had a coach like this.  The coach has the doctrine that teenagers should learn to be responsible for their equipment.  In your case, it seems someone has taken the glove - lets hope by accident.  The coach did allow a cursory search but his attitude seemed rough.   

You have few options:  approach the coach and ask him about his behaviour.  If you do not like the answer, you either escalate your concerns to a higher authority (if possible), ignore the coach's attitude and continue to play the game or leave.  

I remember one game that I coached while under duress.  My wife was hospitalized with a life threatening infection.  I could not find a replacement and since my wife's situation seemed 'stable' I chose to coach the game to hopes of putting my thoughts somewhere else.  Boy was I wrong.  

The game was horrible.  I confess I did not do a good coaching job that evening.  I was experimenting with the batting order (it was early in the season) and my mind could not focus on the game as much as I wanted.  We lost that game - badly.  Afterwards, several parents approached me with their 'advise'.  I listened to their suggestions but I was in no mood for debates.  I growled that I wore the coach uniform and that the fence separates us from the parents for a reason.  These were parents who were new to the team and tested my 'fence' policy* on parental participation.  It was the kind intervention of a familiar parent who prevented the situation from going to another level.

It's possible that the coach is upset about the loss.  Perhaps there is something on his mind as well.  Sometimes people take their worry/anger/angst out at the wrong time and with the wrong people.  

Since this game involves girls and boys, I would advise this coach to relax and enjoy the game.  It's just a game.  

As for the glove, I hope you can find it.  I've lost many gloves in my years of coaching and I know how stressful it can be - especially a catcher's mitt.  IF it's in the bag and the coach was just being impatient, I'm sure it'll show up at the next practice or game.  

The coach will change his attitude if his prize catcher does not have a mitt.

Continue to be patient and ask the coach to lighten up.

Regards,

JohnMc

Fence policy:  parents sit in bleachers on one side of fence; players and coaches play on the other side of fence.  Parents are allowed and are encouraged to support the team from their side of fence only. When players are on the field, only coaches are allowed to make baseball decisions.  If a parent wants to coach, he or she is welcome to take courses, apprentice and eventually join the team on correct side of the fence.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you very much for your answer.  It seemed fair.  I appreciate it.  I do have a follow-up to this.  The next two days after the game the player went to school. Each day a another player from his team told the kid that after the glove incident the coach told 5 or 6 players the kid was trouble and he wasn't a very good player anyway.  One of the kids who told him this was the assistant coaches son.  Both have been playing with this kid since they were all 9.  I asked the assistant coach if the kid was in any way giving anyone any trouble or if he was doing anything we should be aware of.  His answer was that he's known him since he was 9 ( known him through baseball) and has never given anyone any trouble through the years or on this team.
The kid will not play on this team now.  My husband and I like very much watching him and his team play and we are very disappointed that all this has happened.  Do you think I should go to the President of the league?  Thank you for your time.  June

Answer
Hi June,

the behaviour of some kids pulls on the heart strings of good parents.  It's a shame the way some people treat others - especially when it involves children.

I would confront the coach first.  Clearly, if he is talking to players, he should have talked to the child first and perhaps his parents as well.  If you are not satisfied with the coach's response, by all means escalate this to the next level.

If you feel this child is being unfairly treated, by all means stand your ground and let the coach know this.  Do not hestitate to inform him that you'll take this to the league organizers if the coach's behaviour does not change.  No child should be alienated from a sport in this manner.  

Tell the coach what you told me.  Make him understand that he is being confronted by caring parents who will not tolerate such behaviour.  I do not know your relationship to this child, but I can tell you and your husband are caring and concerned parents.  Perhaps talking to this coach will reveal what is going on.  It takes a wise person to learn from a fool.  By talking with the coach, you may see what kind of person he is made of.  I hope it is all a misunderstanding.

As for the child not wanting to play ball, that's more than enough to bring this to the attention of the league president.  In most cases, a league exists to promote physical activity and develop character through sport.  I hope this is the case in your situation.

If you can, talk to the child involved.  Encourage them to continue and not to walk away.  There will be other times in his life where he will have to deal with ignorant and immature people.  If he is being unfairly treated, he should try to strengthen his resolve and learn to endure and overcome.  

Even if one other person notices this resolve, it will be worth the effort.  If all that you have told me is accurate, I'm sure there are others who are in the same situation.  Let this child be an example of what the strong and righteous do when confronted with failures of others.

My wife often teases me when I start to talk about things like this.  But I trully believe this.  We parents have an obligation to teach our children how to survive and the right behaviour.  In sports, other adults become role models and they must set good examples for our children.  If they cannot or will not, they should not be in the sport.

I wish you well and hope this can be resolved in the child's best interest.

Good luck, June.

Regards,

JohnMc