Winning One For Dad

Alyssa Parker won simply by showing up.

The fact that her team won the State championship AND she received the game-ball were just icing on the cake.

Alyssa’s personal victory was due to the fact that she was able to show up and play with her team, doing so less than 24 hours after delivering a moving poem at her father’s funeral.

Losing a parent is one of the hardest things that life can throw at any person, regardless of age. Dealing with it at age 13 is something that few youngsters ever have to face.

Alyssa did just that several weeks ago, and found the inner strength to handle the ordeal in a most admirable fashion.

Her dad passed away on a Monday. She and her family buried Doug Parker on Friday. Alyssa took to the basketball court the very next morning, as she and her Ravens 12-under team won the Maryland District AAU basketball title at College of Notre Dame.

Alyssa dealt with her emotions, showed up to play, and helped spark a second-half run that turned a close game into an 18-point win. With her team holding a tenuous 10-point lead, Alyssa drove in hard for a lay-up and then calmly sank the free throw after getting fouled. That one play gave the Ravens some breathing room, and they never looked back, going on to post a 51-33 win over the Maryland Grizzlies.

After the game, Coach Larry Kelly and her teammates presented Alyssa with the game ball - with the date and the score and the words “Big Doug” front and center on the basketball.

“There was never a question of whether I was going to play or not; I knew that’s what my dad would have wanted me to do,” said the red-haired eighth-grader, who will attend Glenelg High next fall. “The rest of the team didn’t know I was coming, but when I got there, we all got pumped up. It was more than a team - it felt like family. I just wanted to win for my dad, so we went out there to kick butt.”

Jean Parker knew her daughter could handle the situation. “Alyssa is very, very, very strong. She’s my pillar of strength and support. It was a matter of persevering through all the emotion to go out and perform. Deep down inside she had to push herself.”

“Everyone was so supportive. Mike Sauter, Coach of the Grizzlies, knew our family well. He had been calling to check and see how we were doing, sending over meals and he even called to see if Alyssa was playing. I was a little taken aback at first, until I realized what he meant; he was going to postpone the game if she wasn’t up to playing, even if it hurt his team’s chances,” added Jean. “And for Coach Kelly and the players and parents to come up with the idea of the game ball was just great, something we really appreciate.”

Exactly one week after her husband’s death, Jean was filling the role of “taxi parent,” driving Alyssa to AAU practice at Loch Raven High and then hustling cross-town to get Alyssa to a game for her school team in Howard County.

She reflected on the whirlwind of emotions. “Doug was all about a good party and had so many in attendance at his viewing and then his Mass (at the same church, St. Paul's Catholic Church, we were married in 22 years ago, and the same church Babe Ruth was married in back in 1917),” said Jean. “There was an endless procession of cars which certainly put a big smile on his face, all led by a police escort with officers at every intersection. Doug was put to rest in his signed Ray Lewis #52 jersey, with Ravens magnets adorning each side of the casket - as he had wished. He was my best friend and he will be missed by so many, but his legacy is here to stay.”

Doug graduated from Howard High School in 1977, and then from the University of Maryland with a bachelor's degree in manufacturing engineering in 1982. He went on to earn a master's degree in business administration from Johns Hopkins University.

He married Carol Jean Soscia in 1985 and, after nearly 10 years in the business world, took on the job of stay-at-home dad in 1994.

Since 2002, Mr. Parker had owned and operated eSchool Systems LLC and was president of the company at his death.

During the 2002 sniper attacks, he was unable to reach two of his children, students at Lisbon Elementary School at the time, due to busy phone lines at the school. He asked the school if he could create something to help keep the parents informed, and the end result was the creation of eSchool Systems, currently used in Howard, Carroll, Harford, Queen Anne and Caroline counties as well as a few schools in Montgomery and Baltimore counties.

Before his death, Parker was also working on the next phase of parent communication, eCellAlert, which will enable parents to receive emergency notifications directly to their cell phones.

Parker died May 12, 2008, of pancreatic cancer, at Northwest Hospital Center in Randallstown. He was 49.

He was devoted to his own children, as well as the children in the community. He was a volunteer at the school, frequently serving as a chaperone on school field trips. He also ran Memory Book, an annual publication equivalent to a yearbook.

At 6-4 and 310 pounds, “Big Doug” was an apropos nickname. Big Doug’s world revolved around his children's school activities and their high school and recreation council games. He coached at least 14 local sports teams in lacrosse and basketball including the Glenelg Titians, a girl’s basketball team for competitive middle school players.

He had a 15-passenger van, dubbed “Kid Taxi” which he used to transport his children and their friends to sporting events, parties, and other destinations. He had two sons (Doug and Charlie) and two daughters (Lauriann and Alyssa).

Coach Kelly had nothing but praise for Alyssa’s efforts - before and after her ordeal. “We used to have a Saturday league at Loch Raven Middle, and Doug coached a Howard County team then. My daughter and his daughter used to go head to head in games. After a change in the AAU age process last year, Doug didn’t field a team, so I invited Alyssa to try-out for our team,” said Kelly. “She always has a great attitude. She’s a motivator, is always telling jokes, and getting the girls who are in a bad mood into a good mood. She’s a charm to be around.”

“For a 13-year-old to go through what she did, burying her dad on a Friday and then coming out to play the very next day really showed something. I told the team about her dad’s death at practice on Wednesday. A couple went to the viewing on Thursday and a couple to the funeral on Friday. We didn’t know if she was playing on not, and certainly didn’t expect her to. When I saw her walk into the gym on Saturday, I gave them the thumbs-up. She came in smiling at all the girls, and they knew we’d be fine. And with her family there to support her, it was so great to see. That’s why we decided to dedicate the game ball to Alyssa and her family.”

So often, and rightfully so, we focus almost all of the attention on the athletes. But the behind-the-scenes people like the coaches and parents are so important to the overall big picture of youth sports. Coaches are next in line to get praise and recognition.

It’s the parents who are most often over-looked, and get little recognition. But it’s the parents who, as a group, make up the all-important “infrastructure” of youth sports. These compassionate support people - like Doug Parker - are the ones to console a young athlete after a tough loss or poor performance, or to praise them after a win or a good performance. Getting them to and fro, providing the financial support and simply spending time to support their endeavors - that’s what the countless parents do. Doug Parker was one of those, one of the many who make it all work.

“He supported me and my sister and two brothers. He never missed a game,” said Alyssa. “He loved all sports. Whatever sport we were playing, that’s the one he loved the most that day!”

With Father’s Day just ahead, this will obviously be a tough week for the Parker family. Alyssa said her dad would have wanted her to compete - and she did just that.

And by doing so, she gave him a special early Father’s Day gift ... one that would have made Big Doug happy and proud.

Below is Alyssa's poem to her father.

My Dad

My dad is a great dad, husband, son, and friend,
he’d fight it through the very end.
Even if thing weren’t going his way,
he still knew exactly what to say.

He supports everything new I try,
and never once did he lie.
He believes in trust and honesty,
he’s an inspiration to you and me.

My dad had every reason to be mad,
but never once did I see him sad.
The only time his smile was small,
was when Todd Heap dropped the ball.

He constantly drove us all around,
even to games out of town.
He loved to help my siblings and me,
as long as he drove the Kid-taxi.

At games he was my personal cheering section,
even though my skills are far from perfection.
He would watch every game with full concentration,
and after a win, he’d have a celebration.

He’d always listen and be there,
he’d give a kiss to show he cares,
My dad smile would light a room,
when you need him he’d come real soon.

He sits in his lazy boy and watches the TV,
the station TBS would always made him happy.
“Everybody loves Raymond” - he’d watch that for a while,
everything Raymond said would always make him smile.

He always liked others to have cheer,
and for one example take last year.
He knew I wanted a golf cart,
so he bought me one from the heart.

Everyone’s asking “what can I do”,
I say “nothing”, but that’s not true,
If you want to help, and be real nice,
then as I read, take my advice.

Next time you are angry and start to feel all mad,
take about a second and think about my dad.
Remember how he would always think of others first,
even if the situation turned for the worst.

I love my dad forever, and he’s always in my heart,
I just hate the fact he’s gone and now we are apart.
I miss him and I know that life’s not always fair,
but whenever I need to talk, I just say a prayer.

He told me to always live strong,
and with my siblings get along,
He knew that things would be rough,
and life without him sure is tough.

Right now he’s up in heaven and is looking over us,
this is just a fact you’re gonna have to trust.
My dad is the very, very best,
now in peace may he rest!

By: Alyssa Parker, age 13