Musclestache

Musclestache

 

Masculinity.  It comes in many forms.  There's chivalry, there's machismo, and then... there's mustache.








Rob Deer The Muscle behind the Mustache


Nothing runs like a musclebound mustachioed outfielder, nothing runs like a freight train in stirrups, and nothing runs like a Deer... Rob Deer.


Eye black, diamond flares, weight room furnished forearms, AND a carefully groomed 'stache... he's a TWID spokesman if there ever was one.

He was a BREWER.  He was a GIANT.  He was a TIGER.  He was a RED SOCK.  And he was a PADRE.  Rob Deer toured the Major Leagues like a chiseled rock star.  With each stop he made he left an irreplaceable impression.  With each uniform he donned, he ran the probable chance of having the buttons explode off of it.


He didn't jump and prance onto walls like pretty boy Bo Jackson, he ran through them.  He herded fly balls like a two-legged Border Collie with rock hard pecs.  He was so well known for this, that when you think of two-legged Border Collies with rock hard pecs only two words come to mind... Rob... Deer


Rob Deer is to genetics what God is to practicing Christians.




Rob Deer has since moved on from the game of baseball in a performance enhancing sense, and is now marketing his name to a few burgeoning ventures.

One of these B.V.'s being the "Viz-U-Bat."

From Rob Deer's perspective:  it takes a MAN to sell a Viz-U-Bat... the ultimate training tool:





Time and time again, Rob Deer continues to affirm his manhood.  Whether it be lifting weights in between at bats, or selling batting aids that appear to be constructed from lead, Rob Deer never lets up on the gas pedal of machismo.

Let's investigate the final two components that solidify Rob Deer's stoicism.  His upbringing, and his mustache...



It doesn't take an in-depth and objective analysis to realize that Rob Deer's mustache has enough abrasiveness to ablate years of rust and erosion from a freighter's hull.  It's like a brownish-red Brillo pad, sitting there nestled just beneath his nares (refer to the first pictorial depiction above (A.K.A. "Art")).

Rob Deer doesn't need a Chuck Norris like following, he doesn't need Bill Braskian comparisons, he just does what he does when he does it, and his legend is based on FACT.  Whether it be doing lat work on the Nautilus or making each and every other man feel like a preteen when he takes his pointer fingers and gracefully caresses his 'stache.




Rob Deer currently imbibes diesel fuel.  Gasoline was just not getting him his kicks anymore.






Enough has been stated about this culmination of testosterone better known as the newly adopted moniker "Musclestache," now it's time to discuss "The Origin of Rob Deer."






Rob Deer:  The Birthing of Musclestache


Rob Deer has been rocking in the Free World (or at least looks like he has) for quite some time.  Born in 1960 in a state known as California, Rob Deer was a manifest of man ever since he escaped the womb.  He of course crawled back up there to get his mustache, and then came back down to be officially born at 7:05 PM, September 29th, 1960.


A baby born without a mustache and equally complex and visible vasculature is just not Rob Deer.  This fact alone is what cements Rob Deer in the driveway of Dude. 




Everything in Rob Deer's life has amounted to nothing less than what can be called a "Success Story," and this final anecdote should prove it...

Rob Deer:  The Anecdote behind the Animal




When it comes to who we end up with relationship wise, some of us tend to end up with our 5th, 6th, or even 7th choice.  This wasn't the case for Rob Deer, he married the first unrelated woman he ever saw.  Luckily for her, she was fertile.  And lucky for us, Rob Deer's seed is proliferative.


Some people are contrite and face their sins socially through a gathering most of us would like to call "Church."  When we want to be reminded of our weaknesses, the dudes here at TWID go to the "Church of Rob Deer and the lesser than him Saints."  Rob Deer stains his own glass.  And this is our ultimate admiration.






Rob Deer is fantasy football.  And that's all you'll ever need to know.