Bad News For Mimes And Fishing Guides

O.K., you can stop calling us now.

It wasn't us.

By now, most of you have heard that the big winner in the 27 state Powerball lottery, bought their ticket in tiny Jacksonville Oregon.

Our hometown.

The population of Jacksonville is approximately 3000 people, so I can see how friends and relatives immediately assumed that our household was now trying to deal with the heavy burden of how to disperse the roughly $100 million (after taxes) back into the economy. The arduous task of determining which relatives would be rewarded for laughing at my non sensical jokes over the years, would certainly be made easier by having some " friendly reminder" phone calls, which would put them at the "top of my mind".

My mother-in-law was more direct, she just called and asked if WE were rich. Yes WE!!

Eric, a good friend of mine from my softball team,called just to remind me that he" LOVES ME MAN" really "LOVES ME".

Truth be told, I don't normally play the lottery, figuring that I have a better chance of being hit by a meteor falling from space or being eaten by a Shark. ON LAND!!

I have to admit though--that Wednesday--the day of the lottery drawing I did wander into Ray's Sentry Market in Jacksonville and after purchasing some dog biscuits heard the checkers up front hollering about $50 dollars of tickets they had just sold to someone for Powerball. So I said, "better give me twenty dollars worth also".

Why not? At least this is a voluntary tax, that has a chance of giving back a healthy "tax return".

I threw my numbers in my desk drawer at work.

The following morning, I picked up the morning news and read that there was a winner, and that the winner was indeed located somewhere in Oregon.

I arrived at work, and still didn't rush into checking the numbers.

Then my wife called and asked me if I had bought any Powerball tickets in Jacksonville.

"Yep"

"They said the winner bought their ticket in Jacksonville." She informed me of this, with a tone of gleeful anticipation, that I haven't detected in her voice since our twentys!!

"The winning ticket came from Ray's Market or the J'ville Tavern."

"I swear, I wasn't in the tavern."

"Did you say Ray's?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Well, now you have ME interested, because I did purchase my tickets at Ray's. "

She then read me the numbers and I quickly returned to the underacheiving, tavern dwelling, fish loving, deadbeat that I am--as the enthusiasm disappeared from her voice faster than a pile a doughnuts at a Police station.

Just as well.

Most people that know me, know I would just wind up squandering the money, especially since I have made my intentions known that if I had won-- a good portion of the money would have gone towards employing out of work mimes and fishing guides.

Of course--not at the same time.

So, life goes on, close- but no cuban cigar. Just another day to sit and wonder what I would do and where I would go fishing if I had that kind of money, and what kind of silly high tech waders I could buy.

I'm better off not having that kind of money anyway.

But if I find out the guy who had the winning ticket was the person who bought those $50 dollars worth of tickets just ahead of me---- I'm going to eat those dog biscuits myself!!