Boat Ramp Follies

Fun and water go together. Unfortunately, boating funseekers sometimes experience a few frustrations and encounter some extra adventures on that very important link between land and water -- the boat ramp.

First off, we've got to get to the boat ramp, but sometimes things don't go just right. We have to weave around people in a motionless car who've decided they've found an overlook and are blithely tying up the top of the ramp while admiring the view. Looking down the ramp, we see -- uh, oh -- in the near lane, Ma and Pa have set up camp. They're flopped in lawn chairs with coolers along side and about a zillion kids are swimming on the ramp. Swimmers on boat ramps seem to fall into three categories from "If I ignore you, you'll go away" and "How dare you back that @**! ?* boat down here!" to "l don't have a clue" (who just stands there and looks totally mystified at what's behind the car).

Well, here we are trying to figure out how to get on the ramp. Let's see. Maybe we can work our way over and back in on the other lane, once that fellow launching his boat pulls his trailer out. He's starting the boat now. Whoops, he's not either. He's grinding the starter into oblivion and the motor hasn't given a good cough yet. Watch out folks! It's man versus machine! And never say die! Off comes the outboard's cowling and out come the screwdrivers and the socket set. A couple of buddies drift over to offer advice. Seems it never dawns on them to float the boat off the trailer and pull it to the bank beside the ramp or go back to the parking lot. So there we sit in 90-degree heat with humidity to match. What fun!

We finally get to launch and let the clear water and gentle breeze soothe our ruffled dispositions. Some fishing, swimming and good eats follow, and too soon it's time to go back to the -- gasp -- Boat Ramp.

In one lane we see an angler ready to hit the water for some night fishing. Only problem is he's never backed a trailer. Faster than you can say "right" -- no, I mean "left" -- he's crossways on the ramp with three people giving him different instructions. A little practice in a large parking lot before coming out to the water could have worked wonders. In the other lane, a 30-footer with cuddy (cabin) is being loaded onto its trailer. Loaded, yes. Leaving? No. The driver pulls forward just enough to get the boat out of the water and the procession begins. Back and forth, the two couples move their worldly possessions from boat to vehicle while on the ramp. By golly, they did bring the kitchen sink.

It's clouding up now and beginning to thunder. Quickly we're joined by 15 other boats, all wanting to take out - Now. Not just the weather is getting ugly.

Sound familiar? Thank goodness not every launch and retrieve is like this, but some I've witnessed have been very close. So, in the interest of better boater relations, I'm offering tips for...

Mastering the Madness Bring patience, courtesy and common sense along on trips. They don't weigh anything or take up space. The main goals are to launch and retrieve safely while being on the ramp for the shortest possible time.

Make sure you have enough vehicle for the rig you're pulling. Know the weight of your boat and trailer and allow for the weight of the boat's equipment. Make sure the tongue weight is properly adjusted. Installing a trailer package on the towing vehicle is a good investment, especially if pulling larger boats, making long trips or using steep boat ramps.

Use the parking lot or "ready" area provided at some ramps to prepare your boat for launching. If your boat has a drain plug, put it in. Remove the boat cover and transfer any gear from the vehicle to the boat. Take off the tie-downs, but leave the winch cable tight and don't release it until the boat is in the water.

Now is a good time to unplug the trailer lights and let them cool if they're not mounted on drive-on guides. Hot bulbs don't take kindly to being dunked in cold water. Be sure to plug them back up before leaving.

Tie the boat's bow line to the trailer so it won't drag or entangle. You also may want to consider using a stern line because two lines will give you much better control of the boat when floating it off and on the trailer. On outboards, connect and prime the fuel line. Make sure the drain plug is in. A sunken boat really blocks a ramp and is embarrassing to boot.

Before backing down the ramp, take a moment to survey the situation. Check the area for hazards, wind and currents. Look at the water level. It can change drastically between trips. Unload all passengers; they can help as ground guides or line handlers. Unlock all vehicle doors and unfasten your seat belt. This last item may sound strange, but remember Murphy's Law -- if any thing can go wrong, it will. Brakes have been known to fail, and even good brakes may not help on an algae-slickened ramp. Nobody wants it to happen, but sometimes everything gets launched. When this happens, at least only the driver is faced with escaping the vehicle and swimming to shore.

Never leave your vehicle unattended on the ramp and use that parking brake. Wheel chocks are a good addition to any trailer boater's equipment.

Although boaters should practice the buddy system, there are a fair number of lone launchers. Launching and retrieving are more difficult and time-consuming for one person but with practice, not excessively so. Back the trailer far enough down the ramp to float the boat. Unhook the winch and use the bow and stern lines to move the boat from the ramp to the bank or courtesy dock. Secure the boat and return the vehicle and trailer to the parking lot, making sure that you don't block others or take up unnecessary space. If you need to detach the trailer, use the wheel chocks.

If there are two or more people, someone besides the driver can handle the lines and move the boat out of the way while the driver goes to the parking lot. Another method is for a second person to get in the boat as the trailer reaches the water. The driver releases the winch and backs the trailer farther onto the water. The pilot starts the boat, backs it off the trailer and takes it to the bank. If you use this method, make sure the boat is going to run. If the motor dies just after you've backed offend won't restart readily, resort to your trolling motor or paddles. In any case, clear the ramp area.

Removing a boat from the water and getting it back onto its trailer is basically the same as launching -- just reverse the steps. As you approach for take out, survey the area for hazards and approach slowly. Even if the ramp is not buoyed for idle seed or no wake. approach dead slow. The wake from your own boat can spoil a perfect approach to a trailer.

Land at the bank or courtesy dock and go for the towing rig or send a crew member ( if you have one ). If the ramp is congested, the boat operator should wait until the car and trailer are second or third in line before leaving the bank and starting to line up on the trailer. This reduces traffic jams on the water in front of the ramp. Drive the boat slowly onto the trailer. You may need to give a little extra power to put the bow close to the winch. Just remember, the idea is to put the boat on the trailer, not in the back of your car. Some folks prefer to use the lines and pull the boat onto the trailer.

Check that the boat is straight on the trailer to prevent possible hull warpage. Hook the winch to the bow eye and use it to snug the bow against the winch stand pad or rollers. Make sure that you nor anyone else is in line with the winch. A winch cable that breaks while under tension becomes a lethal high-speed missile. Once the boat is winched onto the trailer, pull steadily up the ramp and go to the parking area to get your boat ready for road travel. Practicing these procedures each time you launch and retrieve a boat insures a proficiency that's safe. But I can't guarantee you'll avoid some of the unexpected adventures I described earlier. Just remember to keep your cool. You'll soon be where you want to be.