Breaking Ribs To Impress Women

As I get older, I sometimes forget that things hurt worse than they did when I was younger. One of the places I like to ride is at Drake Harbor, in Warsaw, Missouri. This is a beautiful renovated riverfront area that attracts locals and visitors alike. People walk themselves, their pets, bring picnics, or just sit on one of the many benches and watch their children play. All of the trails are paved and wide and I get a lot of social interaction when I ride at the harbor. This is a great place to be with like-minded people who enjoy the outdoors.

One day last fall, I was doing one of my daily rides. I was feeling great and having a really challenging ride. This is a good training arena because you don’t have to contend with automobile traffic and there are no hills to tackle.

It's Like Twitter only In Person

I was riding along, trying to reach my goal of ten miles for the day. The trail at the harbor is circular so I keep passing the same people over and over. Most of the people who use the harbor are pretty friendly and we often have short little bursts of conversation. Everyone keeps moving so there is little time for a deep discussion. Think of this like twitter, only verbally and in real life.

There was a particularly attractive woman walking her dog and on circuit #2, I made some small talk to break the ice. I probably said something like ‘Nice day, eh?’ So on round 3 and 4 I learned her dog’s name.

In laps 5 and 6 I learned the dog was in training and making all kinds of messes on the carpet. This was unusual for me because I am a bit shy and usually just blend into the background. My oldest son keeps challenging me to be more assertive when it comes to meeting new people, so I’m sure he was proud of me that day.

I'm In Great Shape - A Real Catch

I was pretty pleased with myself, and of course, I felt the need to show her how I was in great shape. I kept pushing harder and harder and my speed increased. I knew I was impressive.

As I rounded a curve toward the boardwalk, my bicycle left the paved sidewalk onto the grass and gravel. I tried to correct my mistake and tried to slow down and get back on the path. If you’ve ever ridden a bike with hand brakes, you know the rule is to always apply the rear brake first. In my panic, I ignored the rule and firmly applied the front brake.

Three Broken Ribs & Both Collar Bones Later

Those front brakes were really effective and I soon found myself tumbling forward. I didn’t actually leave the bike so both the bike and I were performing aerial forward tumbles. I crashed head first onto the ground and stopped just short of the large boulders that line the shoreline. Had I traveled just a few more inches, I probably wouldn’t be here to write this account.

When I make stupid mistakes, I generally look around and say to myself ‘I hope no one saw this’. This time, I was thinking this was such a spectacular incident I was hoping someone had captured in on video. To my disappointment, it was not recorded for others to enjoy as an epic failure.

As the object of my attention approached and saw me on the ground, she ran up and asked what happened. I was in a lot of pain and could barely breathe. I managed to stand and pick up my mangled bike. I looked at her, realizing I was no longer viewed as impressive and just said ‘I think I've just learned that I am not twenty years old anymore.’ I hobbled back to the car and loaded up my pile of junk and went home.

I later found out why I was in so much pain. The total damage was a bent front fork, bent front wheel, cuts, bruises, three broken ribs, and both collar-bones broken. Oh yeah, my ego was destroyed.

I managed to make it to class two days later. As I entered the building, the unit secretary offered to carry my laptop to the classroom. As I entered the room wearing a sling for my right arm and moving slowly, one of my students asked ‘What happened?’

I told her it was a sad tale. I told my class I had a confrontation with the door greeter at our local Wal-Mart. The greeter was a 96 year old woman, with a walker; but I won the battle anyway. My students realized I was full of it.

It was the following spring before I could ride my bike again. I am a lot more cautious now because hurts much more now than it did when I was twenty.

I Miss That Dog

I never did see the attractive woman at the harbor again. Maybe she moved away, or maybe she just wanted to be around people who were smarter than I. Whatever, I miss that dog.

Keep safe when riding.

Kali